Here we are January 2020

Hey my babes, it definitely has been a minute since my last post but I did need some time away and we have been extremely busy here within Chi-Native. We did our first toy drive ever for The American Indian Center in Chicago and not only did we exceed our initial toy amount we crushed it. Our initial goal was at least 100 toys and at our last count it was over 250 toys and we were able to fill over two large tables for the Holiday event. I can not stress enough how much joy it brought us to be able to do something like this and for those that matter the most during the Holidays, the kids. I can't thank those enough, our family, our friends, and a few local businesses that went out of their way to help us collect toys, it really is magical to come together and do some good. We were also on break from Chi-Native Radio as our station took a Holiday Break during the last (2) weeks of December, we all got to enjoy some much needed down time and spend some quality time with our families. Those of you who may not have caught our radio return it was Jan 7th and we had a special guest in studio with us, Cruixe FX. The team had a good time talking about his upcoming year and what he has planned and we got the opportunity to play two new unreleased songs from his upcoming project he has in the works. This year the Chi-Native team will be working on finalizing several out of state shows as well as we will start planning for our Music In The Woods music festival follow up which will still be held in August but we have not confirmed the date just yet, stay tuned. So much is happening in the world right now, the poor devastation that has struck Australia, the war, the impeachment, not to mention the mad man in office constantly tweeting about his unfair treatment and as he calls it the "witch hunt is" that is happening, naw homie you've not done what's in the best interest of our country, you've only done what is best for you and we the people are over it. I really wish we could all see we are all human, we all need help from time to time and that we are all more alike than unalike. It appears in this day and age too many have forgotten we are one - the human race and together we can do so much more good versus bickering and tearing each other down. So, speaking of tearing each other down, what is happening with folks thinking it is ok to think out loud? Now I know your like what the hell is she talking about, and what I am referring to is this constant need from others to comment on other people's bodies especially those of women. Now I don't advocate that one type of body is better than the other, nor do I constantly try to push any agenda I may follow onto others because I know what works for me may not work for others and I am also aware that we each are dealing with issues that may affect our overall health at any one given moment in time. All this stems from the fat jokes and the meme's that have started and are trending in regards to Lizzo when they have used her image in regards to the war and as of most recent Tess Holiday who recently shared a front cover photo spread of her and her two boys for Parents magazine. It is appalling to see what people write to them or say about them as if what their bodies look like matters to the jerk writing comments behind a keyboard, more importantly from so called "fitness experts" like Jillian Micheal who say why are we celebrating their bodies? The nasty comments that people leave wishing death on them is horrid, like who the fuck are you?  I mean I don't celebrate anyone's body - big, skinny, average, short, tall, whatever because it's not my body, I don't house it, I don't live in it, so what does it matter and why would I care. I am over everyone thinking they know best, those that are smaller don't necessarily mean they are healthier, and a larger frame doesn't mean any less healthy either. Lets also not forget that each of us face different issues in regards to our own health at various times in our lives, I mean the last two years were hard as hell for me. I underwent knee surgery in late 2018 and took all of 2019 just to heal and it has only been within the last 3 months that I have been able to run without swelling and pain, on top of that right before 2018 hit I had to also underwent 2 hernia repair surgeries and let me be the first to tell you that was the most intense pain I have ever woken up from after surgery, I suffered so much pain and I struggled with my recovery for almost a year just in terms of my hernia repair surgery and I had several set backs from both surgeries. I gained more weight and on top of it had to deal with some gut health issues which I am still trying to figure out at this very moment. Am I skinny, hell no, am I overweight, yep but guess what- it fucking happens and not once did I stop working out and try to maintain some level of fit while enduring all these challenges. I have always been on the heavier side of the scale and only at one point in my life during my late 20's very early 30's was I able to get what others said was "skinny" and you know how I did it? I ran over 18 miles a day (ran for 1.45 hours on average) I then did a complete weightlifting routine (another 1.5 hours) and I didn't eat a damn thing unless it was a liquid protein shake or eggs, meat and cheese and I am serious that was the extent of what I would consume. I stayed within a 15 g a day carb count and if I felt like I didn't like what I ate, I threw that shit up. I got to my smallest at a size 4, started to experience extreme hip pain and to top it off I could no longer use the restroom without taking a laxative daily to help my stomach woes. That last part might be TMI but it is necessary so that others can understand, I may have been skinny but I definitely was not healthy, nor was my relationship with food or myself healthy. I ran (and I kept over 3 years of logs) on average 120-130 miles a week and never took a rest day, so I developed a slight hip fracture which required me to slow down my running completely and my doctors had warned me I had to stop my particular diet because I was going to cause irreversible damage to my intestines and once they stopped working they don't re-start. So did I get "skinny" yes, but was I happy? The real answer there is no, no I was not happy and my turning point came when my boyfriend started to pick up on my habits and he said something very simple to me - he said "isn't the point in all you do to be healthy?" He said, " you are not happy and vomiting isn't healthy so wherever your weight ends up being at so be it because your always going to be you and that's who I care and love." It was the simplest thing to say but once I heard that everything changed for me, I decided to stop trying to fit into a mold that I was never truly meant to fit into. I mean this mold that I assumed was healthy was received from all my fitness magazines and advise I would receive from fitness folks in the industry (let me tell ya, what they put their bodies through, how they deplete themselves for comps isn't healthy either) I just could no longer maintain and quite frankly I was exhausted, my damn workouts would take about 3.5 hours on a daily basis. At my leanest I weighed 156 lbs and was a size four and told my doctor I wanted to weight 125 lbs he told me that wasn't going to be possible based on my body frame and amount of muscle I was carrying and that trying to get that small would cause me more damage than good. It's crazy how tiny I got but in my head those numbers on the scale were the devil and I was chasing something that I couldn't reach nor did I need to, I was chasing a number that I had seen over and over in fitness magazines as my ideal target weight but it was in fact not accurate for me, my body, my health. I am not skinny, I probably won't ever be "skinny" again but I don't need validation from anyone, I have found my balance, I have found my happy. I am strong, I continue to workout and have finally started to be able to run again for 30 minutes straight through since my surgeries (that has been my biggest accomplishment to get back to it without pain). I no longer throw up (haven't in years) and I accept me for me, I don't  need anyone to like what my body looks like and even though I have gained weight (and quite a bit, lol) I am ok with where I am at because I will never cease in my fitness journey. I will continue to workout 6 days a week, continue to have a good relationship with food and focus on goals I set for myself and no one else. I am very healthy, matter of fact I just had a physical last week, my levels are perfect, my resting heart rate is 54 bpm and I have no major knee or hernia issues as those seemed to have finally healed. I don't think in terms of how much weight I need to lose, I just focus on the healthy choices I make daily for me, for my mood, for my overall self. Let's all stop worrying about others, let's stop comparing what one person looks like versus the other, let's all accept and understand one size does not apply to all and simply - just worry and focus on yourself because trust me everyone is a little fucked up and no one is perfect. Stop judging others houses when your own damn windows are dirty and if you don't house their body then what someone else does is none of your business. We are all just peanuts trying to become part of the peanut butter spread. Till next week folks, as always take care others and yourself, don't let others dictate to you your worth. xoxo #MyBlog #ThrowEmC #HowYouDoing #GotWeight #Healthy #OneSizeDoesNotFitAll #HealthyHasManyForms #NewBlog

2 comments

  • ML
    ML Subterranean
    My fav blog yet

    My fav blog yet

  • I.DEAL
    I.DEAL
    Thanks so much for taking the time to read the blog! We appreciate you!

    Thanks so much for taking the time to read the blog! We appreciate you!

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